I will post something of substance someday maybe, but for now, I will not so stealthily drop a link to my thread on the love meme. Because it's nice to have all those little things to look at when I need it.

Today wound down with this weird sense of calm anticipation. No major nervousness - though of course as soon as I say that, I start to think 'well, I should do this or that...'. Teslacon has come and gone - it was a ton of fun, despite the various injuries or illnesses we all went into the con with. J got some great photos, which I'll share once we retouch them. Thinking of making a fun little crew webpage, too.

I've also got most of my Christmas crafting done - mostly putting finishing touches on things, and I think it'll all be done this week. I'm actually going home for Christmas for the first time in a few years, which will be really nice.

Pretty much the one thing that feels lacking is the employment situation - I'm still sending my resume out, doing what networking I can, but no bites. I feel like, I dunno, that I'm missing something. Some big 'How To Get A Job' secret that the rest of the world knows and I don't. I know the reality of it is the economy, and the fact that I'm here on a visa, but it's still super-frustrating.

I've just started taking a course online on design via Coursera, and our first week challenge (due by Sunday... yep I kind of left that one off, go me) is to find 'gaps' - some place in our lives that there is a problem that can be solved by design (using design in a very loose sense - the course is a general principles/process type thing, so it's not necessarily an aesthetic-design thing). One of these is going to be the basis for the term project, and we have to have access to five other people who share the same 'gap' - the prof would prefer in-person access but I do not have five people I interact with on even a weekly basis in-person so YEP NO. So! This is a brainstorming post, mostly, and I would love people to chime in with a 'yes I'd like that too' if, well, they would.

-Marginalia (working title for the eReader quote db project, see previous post)
-Pantry tracker (what do I have? When did I buy it? Seemed popular idea-wise in #dw)
-FUCKING WIZARD LAYERS (I will probably not tackle this but it drives me up the wall)
-FUCKING LAYER EDITOR (...see above, though Fey has given me a possible solution)
-Something to introduce recipe variety on a basic level (I love whatthefuckshouldimakefordinner.com in principle but most of the recipes include things I don't have, and I hate shopping)
-work-out reminder/incentives?
-semi-flexible scheduler for practicing artsy stuff (there was a discussion on learning and routines in reddit, and about how it's far better to do something EVERY DAY than a few days a week or something)
-something organization something something (my house is a constant disaster. I don't even know where to start)
-a script/extension for me to annotate my buglist on Bugzilla (because I hate going 'okay, I think I have patches in for these four for review, and this one depends on another bug, and...' because it's not easily visualized)
-highlight reddit posts by subreddit they appear in (can you tell I like visual cues?)

So I've been kind of down lately care of unemployment - it's the sort of situation that's bad enough normally, but I have the extra joy hanging over my head of knowing my current visa expires next summer and as it stands, I'm not in a position to get another one, because, you guessed it, lack of job experience.

I've spent the last two weeks or so contemplating doing freelance web design - started making a portfolio site, doing lots of reading on freelancing, etc. And I came to the conclusion tonight that I don't think I can. I'm a pretty good web designer. Over the broad category of anyone who's made a webpage, I think I can safely put myself in 'above average'. But I lack the talent for creativity and innovation necessary to be pro, to make enough to make a living off it. I don't know if that's something I could improve over time, or if it's just some quirk of luck that makes some people innovative and others not. But I don't really have the time to practice and find out.

And then I sat back and thought - you know what? I have a skill set already that I'm pretty damn good at by most measurements I've seen, which is hands-on betnchwork in molecular biology. I am a pro at this. Except, of course, for the part where nobody will pay me to do what I'm good at. And I know that some of this is the economy, and some of this is the deeply messed up way academia works these days, and some of this is just not knowing enough people (and having no idea how to meet more - seriously, where do biologists hang out?). But I think tomorrow I'm going to call a place or two to ask about volunteer work, and maybe I'll actually do that Masters program application.

So a friend (hi Yana) reminded me that oh, I need to post more. Which is true, I've mostly been microblogging because 1) I keep my microblog locked, 2) nobody here cares about RP shenanigans, and 3) also nobody cares about my spammy, spammy thoughts on fandom (I make running-commentary plurks when reading stuff). So in news people might actually care about:

-Frustrating job laid me off, which effectively resolved my dilemma if I should quit and search harder for something that wasn't pure physical labor at insane overtime.
-I have been swimming in a sea of CSS, mostly working on things for Dreamwidth instead of, oh, any of my own sites. But it's like slacking off productively!
-I have failed utterly at working on learning any other coding language (aside from a bit of S2 and that doesn't count)
-I have pretty much managed to keep to my cleaning goal.
-I'm considering trying to save up for a new car because 1) the crazy lady next door keeps threatening to have mine towed and 2) some jackass smashed one of my windows in and 3) the car is sixteen years old and showing it's age.
-Started reading Marvel comics. If I disappear, I've fallen too deep into the abyss. Don't follow me.

I'm also starting to realize I need to upgrade my personal blog - it's still running Moveable Type 4.1 which is... years old. And uses tables for layout, and now that I look, has no wide content handler. And the layout is a little embarassingly old-school in light of my DW stuff. Options are most likely either upgrading MT which has the pro of a templating language I know and the con of being owned by Six Apart who I'm not fond off after how they handled LJ, or switching to Wordpress. I don't know if the Wordpress templating system has gotten less complex since I first looked at in like 2005, but I've become a better coder, and it does seem to be the blogging software these days. Thoughts, anyone?

CHARACTER INFO
CHARACTER NAME: Souji Okita
SERIES: Peacemaker Kurogane

PERSONALITY: The first impression one gets of Souji tends to be highly dependant on the context one meets him in. He has two ‘faces’, so to speak. Off duty, he is cheerful, friendly, and sometimes downright childish. He’s quick to warm up to people, loves playing with kids, and is practically always smiling. He can also be a bit mischievous, being capable of telling outrageous stories with a perfectly straight face, and sometimes inclined to tease people to see if he can get a rise out of them.

In a fight, however, he is utterly ruthless. At one point he describes himself as being ‘a child of a demon’, and it shows. The smile is there still, but it’s sharp, nasty now - the sort of smile that says someone else is in a lot of trouble. Despite the ruthlessness, he’s not needlessly cruel - it is simply that there is a job to be done, and that he does it very, very well.

He’s capable of switching between these different aspects of his personality almost instantly - as he does in his conversation with Ryoma in PMK volume 3. One moment, the two are happily joking with each other, a happy grin on Souji’s face - and seconds later, he’s got his blade drawn on Ryoma, all traces of humor totally gone. He is a good person at heart - as shown by his frequent kindness to others - but he is very much capable of putting aside his feelings when it is required of him.

BACKGROUND:
At the beginning of Shinsengumi Imon Peacemaker (the first series, to which Peacemaker Kurogane forms the second half), Souji is the one to bring Tetsu, the protagonist of the series, to Shinsengumi HQ after spotting him sitting outside. He petitions Kondou, the commander of the Shinsengumi, to let him have a chance to prove himself, and then wishes Tetsu luck when Tetsu says he’ll take down the great Souji Okita and excuses himself. He returns a few minutes later, changed for fighting, and introduces himself formally. As promised, he then spars against Tetsu - Tetsu forces him to get actually get serious, at which point he breaks Tetsu’s boku, and scares him with the look in his eyes - it reminds Tetsu of the man who killed his father. Not long after, as Tetsu is contemplating what he thinks are the full implications of being Shinsengumi are, he is also the one to give Tetsu directions as to where to hide to watch Hijikata take on a ronin ambush - without forewarning him as to what he’d see.

Over the course of the early part of the series, he’s shown to spend a great deal of his free time with Hijikata - not quite performing servants’ jobs for him, as being Toushizou’s page is firmly Tetsu’s job, but chiding him, giving him shoulder rubs, joking with him, and the like. He also gets teased a fair bit by the other captains for his lack of manliness, something which he does not seem to mind overly much.

When he, Shinpachi, and Sanosuke are out, off-duty, they run across Tetsu facing down a number of armed ronin in defense of a little girl. Souji is unarmed - when asked earlier as to why, he replies ‘It gets in the way of tag and things’ - but after Tetsu shouts out his name in warning, he is forced to kill his opponent, using the man’s own sword against him.

Afterwards, Tetsu gets upset with Souji, pointing out that it was not necessary to kill the man, at which point Souji reiterates a point made earlier - that because of the nature of his job, he is ‘a demon’s child’. He then shows Tetsu the Shinsengumi code, as set down by Hijikata, and explains that by following the strictures of the Shinsengumi, one must also follow the code of the samurai, and that if you face an opponent with swords drawn, either you or your opponent must die. To do otherwise is dishonorable, and the punishment for it is ritual suicide. The incident emphasises yet again the shift in Souji’s emotional response when compared to ‘average ‘ people.

Not long after this exchange, Tetsu asks Souji to be his training partner, despite knowing Souji’s skills and his difficulty in holding back. As their match grows more heated, Tetsu demands to know Souji’s reasons for taking up the sword, at which point Souji stops the matching, saying that his reason cannot be Tetsu’s as well, and that all he can offer the boy is a partner for his training.

When Yamanami and his subordinates return to HQ, Souji acts in some ways as a mediator between the two vice-commanders. He chats amicably with Yamanami early in the morning when they first arrive, and then, later, when the meeting between Yamanami and Hijikata grows sour, Souji drags Hijikata off on the pretense of grocery shopping to keep things from growing too heated. While they are out walking, the subject of Tetsu comes up, and Hijikata remains adamant that Tetsu should remain a page and not take up the sword and full duties of the Shinsengumi. Souji’s response to this is to point out he was far younger when he first joined, and then says ‘Ah. That’s what this is about. You don’t want another me, do you?’ before picking up his walking pace and moving ahead of Hijikata.

After Tetsu’s trip to Shimabara, Souji encounters Tatsu worrying about his younger brother. He attempts to reason with Tatsu, pointing out that he can’t coddle Tetsu forever. The two end up debating how easy it is to heal wounds of the heart, a question they don’t really come to a conclusion on. There’s also a brief moment of foreshadowing as Souji begins to cough violently, and then immediately blames it on choking on some tea when Tatsu asks what’s wrong.

After Ayumu’s death at the hands of Choushou ronin, Souji is the one to follow Hijikata out of the room rites are being held in, to try to get Hijikata’s attention through the taller man’s anger and ranting. His message is simple - It’s not your fault. When the Shinsengumi go to raid Masuya’s store and the ronin headquarters underneath, Souji is one of the captains leading the attack, all of his usual cheerfulness gone. He gives the order to strike down any who attempt to leave the estate or who resist arrest, but hangs back from the main action. When one of his men asks him why, as he’s usually on the front lines, he replies that he would like to let Yamazaki handle this his own way - as it was his sister who was murdered.

In the aftermath of the raid and Tetsu’s confrontation with Yoshida, the man who killed his parents, the question of how long it takes to heal wounds of the heart comes up once again between Souji and Tatsu. Souji expresses surprise at just how damaged Tetsu is, emotionally, and with the revelation that the younger boy has barely changed, physically or emotionally since his parents’ death, Souji turns contemplative, saying to himself ‘For me...how many years has it been?’ - another small moment highlighting his somewhat troubled past.

During the Shinsengumi attack on the Ikedaya inn - known afterwards simply as the ‘Ikedaya incident’ - Souji is again one of the leaders following right behind Commander Kondou, as befits one of the squad captains. His expression is serious. After cutting down many of the Choushou ronin, Souji comes face to face with their leader, Yoshida. He managed to knock the taller man down, but just as he’s about to make the finishing blow, Yoshida kicks him in the stomach, knocking him backwards. The fight continues, back and forth, but after one particularly nasty kick in the ribs, Souji begins coughing violently, bringing up fresh blood onto his hands. Yoshida takes the opportunity to knock him down again, stepping on his chest hard enough to crack his armor, as Souji struggles, coughing.

He pulls himself upright as Tetsu faces off against Yoshida, and tells Shinpachi and Kondou not to interfere in their fight, giving a list of tactical reasons why Yoshida cannot possibly win. When the battle gets close, however, Souji is the one to step in and kill Yoshida himself, telling Tetsu that his sword is for protecting, not for killing. He then comforts Tetsu, his earlier seriousness gone. When Hijikata and his reinforcements arrive, Kondou sends Hijikata to the back room where Souji is sitting, still coughing harshly. Hijikata sees the blood on him immediately worries, though Souji reassures him that he’s not sick, the blood isn’t his - though Hijikata insists on fixing him medicine for the cough anyway. As they walk back to headquarters in the aftermath, Souji quietly tells Hijikata not to worry - that Tetsu is strong, and won’t end up like he did.

In the aftermath of the Ikedaya incident, we first see Souji again in a somewhat more light-hearted moment, trying to keep Tetsu quiet while Yamazaki impersonates him for some dignitaries. He clearly finds the situation hilarious, struggling to keep himself quiet instead of bursting out laughing.

We are then treated two different encounters that illustrate just how rapidly Souji’s moods can shift. Tetsu finds him facing down a mysterious man - later identified by Shinpachi as Saitou Hajime, captain of third squad - completely serious and intent two kill. They exchange a quick series of blows, the mood tense - and then abruptly, Hajime comments on Souji’s choice of underwear, having caught a glimpse during a stance shift, and the two erupt in laughter, the fight suddenly over. A similar incident occurs in reverse when a strange man infiltrates HQ and pops out of the bushes. He and Souji exchange joking and cheerful grins before Souji suddenly draws his sword, expression serious, as the man is a wanted criminal, and Souji is on duty.

At one point, on an off-duty day, there is a rather lighthearted moment when Souji steals Hijikata’s private book of haikus he’s written - all of which are terrible - and shows it to Tetsu. As soon as Hijikata realizes it’s gone, he immediately pawns it off on Tetsu and absconds before Hijikata can catch him. At the end of the ensuing chase, he gives Hijikata back ‘his’ book - only for Hijikata to discover that the book he was given back was full of doodles Souji had done of his pet pig instead.

As fall shifts into winter life continues on in Shinsengumi headquarters - while there is intrigue brewing with the newest batch of recruits and their leader, there are no major battles. We find Souji playing with children on the grounds near HQ, helping them to build a snowman. He gives them his old, full name - Soujiro - knowing that ‘Souji Okita’ has a reputation as a killer, not as someone who plays with children. He talks with Yamanami briefly, who comments that when they first met, Souji was not much older than those children - but, as Souji points out, he was far less innocent.

Not long after, when Yamanami defects, leaving the Shinsengumi abruptly and without notice, it is Souji who volunteers to go fetch him back, in deference to their long friendship. When he finally finds the older man, Yamanami suspects it to be a ploy of Hijikata’s - knowing he could never draw his sword on Souji. Souji insists there was no order, that he came of his own accord, and attempts to plead with Yamanami, asking him to make apologies so they can find a reason to spare his life, as the Shinsengumi, Hijikata especially, still need him. Once they arrive back at headquarters, heated debate ensues between the vice commanders and commander, while Souji watches in silence. Yamanami draws his ‘blade’ on Hijikata, who immediately reacts with combat reflexes and cuts him down - only to realize that the sword is bamboo. With Yamanami bleeding out, Commander Kondou orders Souji to be Yamanami’s second and to finish the job cleanly, as if Yamanami had committed seppuku rather than being cut down. Souji obeys, and Yamanami is buried with honor. The event affects Souji deeply, though, causing him to drop his usual cheerful mask even in front of others, such as Yamanami’s mistress.

Between the Ikedaya incident, and Yamanami’s defection and death, a somewhat dreary mood falls on the Shinsengumi, and it is in such a mood that Matsumoto-sensei, doctor to both the shogunate and Shinsengumi alike finds them. He performs check-ups on all of the members, and it is here that it becomes clear that Souji’s earlier bouts of coughing were more than just a choking on tea, or caused by an external chest injury. While Matsumoto tells Souji that the coughing is nothing to worry about, he confides to Yamazaki that Souji has tuberculosis, and when he starts to cough up blood - something that had happened at Ikedaya - he will have roughly a year left to live. Souji alludes to knowing of his illness already, when he talks with Matsumoto after the check-up, saying ‘Even if I knew the truth, it’s not something that should be brought into the open.’

His poor health is brought into greater notice after this - during the following winter, Hijikata chastises him for being outside cooking in the cold, and he coughs a great deal more. At the same time, though, he is still well enough to help out with things around headquarters - like assisting Hijikata with his New Year’s cards, and discussing - albeit somewhat jokingly - teaching new students, when they get a fresh batch of shinsengumi recruits.

It’s a steady downward decline, however - when we next see him, Yamazaki is trying to keep him inside, despite his wishes to go spend time with the others and eat ‘bad’ food. He does manage to escape and spend some time in the open air, but Yamazaki wonders privately if he should inform the Commander and Vice-Commander how ill he’s become, despite the fact that telling them will change nothing.

ABILITIES: Souji’s only real special talents lie in the realm of martial arts. As one of the Shinsengumi, he is effectively a samurai, and was raised in the samurai tradition as well. His main skill is swordsmanship, and he excels at it. He is the best swordsman within the Shinsengumi - in a serious fight with the only other person who can come close to matching him there, it is said that the fight would end in death for both of them.

While he doesn’t use it often, he is also shown to have some skill in unarmed melee combat as well as his talents with a sword. For someone of his time period and status, martial arts training would have including work with the bo (quarterstaff), and jujutsu (unarmed combat), and at one point he also parries a katana strike with his foot, using his geta to catch the blade, before shoving the man who’s blade he caught against a wall with a mere flick of his wrist.

So I am actually doing a bingo challenge! cottoncandy_bingo because I love me some fluff. This may all end up being Shatterstar/Rictor because they are my new favorite adorable of the moment >_>

( Posting my card here so I don't lose it. )

This kind of started with unfuckyourhabitat and discussions of how adding one small new habit to your routine makes it easier to add others, but it kind of solidified talking to pjf at YAPC, who is a deeply fascinating individual - the discussion we had can kind of be summed up in his wonderful OSCON keynote, which is on youtube here. Basically, my life is kind of a mess. There are things I should do but don't want to do, and things I want to do that I don't end up doing, and basically my life-system is Not Working. This is for a number of reasons:

1) I'm a very poor self-motivator. This is probably at least partially because of depression, though I think a lot of people have problems self-motivating. Basically I obey Newton's First Law of physics, and this is why I didn't got to over half my classes in my last semester of university.

2) Related to (1) - I'm poor at commitment. And occasionally afraid of it, because I have a very high fear of failure (again, see depression plus anxiety), and if you don't commit, you can't fail. But I'm also fantastic at abandoning projects midway through because motivation dried up.

3) I have an awful case of what synecdochic calls 'goldfish brain' (this is one of several reasons the terrified goldfish is my spirit animal). Basically it's an exciting combination of distractability and short-term memory failure that leads me to do things like almost put the butter away in the cutlery drawer, lose everything I don't keep consistently in the same spot, and forget important things I need to do unless I do them right now.

So! It seemed best to make a list of what I want to do before I figure out ways in which to overcome 1-3 and actually do it.

Long-Term
-Get a job in my field
-Get PR status in Canada
-Own a house

Day-to-Day
-Keep the house clean
-Keep up with my RP commitments
-Cook a greater variety of lunches for work
-Not lose things all the time

Crafting
-Assorted planned knitting projects
-Assorted planned sewing projects
-Deal with the backlog of half-finished and abandoned projects
-Become reliable and skilled enough to make some extra income off my skills

CompSci
-Learn Perl
-Learn Python
-Get my cosplay website out of alpha

Languages
-Learn pronunciation for French, Mandarin, and Cantonese (No interest in the language, but I don't like sounding like an idiot in front of my friends)
-Brush up on my Spanish (I blame comic books)
-Learn Japanese
-Learn Welsh or Irish

This, then, leads to the 'how to do this' portion. The long-term goals are somewhat nebulous, and I need to refine the steps necessary to reach them before I can set that up on any sort of tracker. I've been using Astrid as a possible to-do manager, as it syncs web and my phone, and has a random reminders, which is good for someone who forgets things that need doing. I am, however, open to to-do list managers, as Astrid doesn't have an open API, so no hooking it into other things. So far, that's mostly been for day-to-day stuff/one-off tasks - I can add when I think of it, and come back to it later. The CS stuff - I think for Perl, working on DW bugs may be a good start. For my website, it's honestly just buckling down and writing the damned content. Languages - I have access to some online learning systems through the library, and Anki seems like a good way of reviewing.

The next problem - the big problem - is keeping to the commitments to do things, instead of 'eh, later'. Like the recycling in my trunk I've meant to take to the depot all week. 'I'll do it tomorrow.'. For that, I'm tentatively considering Beeminder. Putting money up for stake is kind of scary (see fear of commitment) but at the same time, money is one of the few things that is sufficiently motivating. Why I skipped classes but I don't skip work.

This, of course, is all very rough-draft right now, and input on what's worked for others is more than welcome.

So I got my designs for Teslacon sketched up and scanned, which means of course I'm looking at them going 'AUGH ALL AWFUL' but I will post them anyway for outsider perspective because I know I can be hypercritical of my own work (and, well, these are sketches, and I am nooooot a 2D artist at all)

( cut for embedded images~ )

It only took me what, a month and a half to get them uploaded? I need to find a photo workflow manager I like for Linux that doesn't forcequit on me all the time :c Mostly select Getbackers, with some Gintama. Featuring me as Gintoki and Juubei, shingetsu as Takasugi and Kazuki, arrshley as Sakamoto and Sakura, akatonbo as Toshiki, and pantswarrior as Makubex. Full gallery, which includes a lot more shenanigans, here.

( Behind the cut because lots )