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Yeah, this baby's been done for a good month and a half now, I was just bad about getting it typed up ^^;



Disclaimers: Seishirou belongs to CLAMP, we should all know that by now ^^ Plot belongs to Edgar Allen Poe, or possibly the descendants thereof. The only thing that's mine is the order of the words, I think, and it'd be appreciated if you didn't take them.

Notes: Because I promised choffman, and sort-of promised skuldchan. Not meant to be taken seriously, as there's a few too many plot-holes that I don't feel like explaining, and I enjoy adding random witty lines, and it's a giant rip-off anyway. In other words, if you were looking for another Red Death, sorry, my inspiration for that type is very very infrequent. As in, all of once. Style partially inspired by Terry Pratchett, who's footnotes I would have used if I wasn't so lazy, even if some of the bits would have made better footnotes.

***
Seishirou heard a noise at his door. He'd been expecting it. Every night for the past week, the man down the hall peered in at him, or rather, his blind eye, with his mini-Maglite. Seishirou was of the opinion that the man was a bit unhinged, but he needed some amusement in his life, so, on a whim, he'd been leaving his door unlocked (Seishirou wasn't entirely sure how he got in the first time, as his locks were even BEAST-proof, but it was one of those bits of fiction-logic he decided not to debate. Like how someone with his hand through their heart could keep babbling at him for a good five minutes.)

This time, though, the man did more than just look in. He crept near-silent into the room, and positioned himself by the side of the bed, in preparation to flip the mattress over and suffocated him, at least as far as Seishirou could tell. (The only other reasonable explanation for flipping a mattress on someone was a very bad practical joke, and Seishirou thought the man a bit past that, sanity-wise)

Seishirou, of course, was ready. One does not become, and then stay, Japans' most powerful assassin without learning a few tricks. His neighbor carefully slid his fingers under the mattress, and started to lift...

...And saw himself flipping the mattress over and suffocating Seishirou. Himself hiding the body under the floorboards of his apartment (It didn't matter that his apartment was entirely carpet and linoleum. It had floorboards now). Himself talking to the police. And then the thump thump thump of the dead, hidden heart, the sound pounding into his mind...

The man screamed (Seishirou wasn't worried, as his room was soundproofed. Certain other people had a tendency to be loud as well) and fell to the ground, in a state of shock. Seishirou let the illusion fall from his mind. He was quite proud of this particular one. Almost anyone with power could create an illusion, but to mess with someone's perception of time and break his mind in the same blow? That took some definite talent, and Seishirou had an egotistical streak a mile wide (More or less. No one had ever actually measured, although Subaru had contemplated trying once, after a few too many nights of no sleep).

Seishirou picked the man up, and masking them behind another illusion, quietly left his apartment, and dumped his neighbor in front of his own apartment. He didn't bother to erase the mans' mind. Even if he ever did become coherent enough to tell what had happened that night, the only people who would believe him knew better than to come after him. The mental image of him trying to explain to, say, the police what happened amused Seishirou terribly.

Satisfied with a job well-done, Seishirou went back to his apartment, locked his door for the first time in a week, and went to sleep.

***


Also, my cat is crawling around inside the basement walls again, I think. Dear God.